a) What does it say when you may have been in the car that ran over said cap and gown?

b) What does it say when said cap and gown survived intact?

c) What does it say when said cap and gown were ugly as all get-out anyway, and may have in fact been beautified, as Lady Bird Johnson would have said, by a good tire tread or two?

d) And what does it say when you left your cap and gown on the roof of the car? And both the car's occupants failed to notice a Smurf-colored projectile flying off the roof?