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I Could Have Danced All Night
Jun. 7th, 2008 11:10 pm"Promise me you'll never forget me, because if I thought you would I'd never go" ~ A. A. Milne in Winnie the Pooh
Until now I have never really had to say good bye to anyone or anything. I've never left a friend I couldn't call or email, never left a place I couldn't return to, never made a change I couldn't undo just as easily. So the past few weeks have felt a bit like like the split second between jumping off a diving board and actually falling.
Now that I have graduated from high school, a lot of goodbyes, with varying permanence and pain, have been said. But through all of those goodbyes it hadn't hit me what all this growing up stuff means, until last night. Last night I said goodbye to one thing that has been very constant in my life since I was seven. I haven't always gotten on well with my mother, I haven't always enjoyed school, I haven't always believed in Gd, but I have always danced ballet. Always.
And although I may not have always worked as hard as I should, or always done the best, it has been something that I did for myself (I hate performing) that I am finding has, consequently, had great impact on my character. I've always held myself standards than other people hold me to, which in the best of times has served me well and in the worst of times created a guilt trip even my grandmother couldn't dream up. And those standards have applied to other people as well. I've looked at my family, my friends, even characters in a book and thought why aren't you doing better, working harder. Because that's what people have always said to me. Ballet has become so much more than a dance, it's become a mentality and an identity.
And now I'm leaving it. And that's weird.
I remain,
Georgie
Post Script (because another letter would be awkward):
At a wonderful party this evening I was reminded how insanely grateful I am for my friends, in all their wacky glory. And I may be falling for a goat.
G.S
Until now I have never really had to say good bye to anyone or anything. I've never left a friend I couldn't call or email, never left a place I couldn't return to, never made a change I couldn't undo just as easily. So the past few weeks have felt a bit like like the split second between jumping off a diving board and actually falling.
Now that I have graduated from high school, a lot of goodbyes, with varying permanence and pain, have been said. But through all of those goodbyes it hadn't hit me what all this growing up stuff means, until last night. Last night I said goodbye to one thing that has been very constant in my life since I was seven. I haven't always gotten on well with my mother, I haven't always enjoyed school, I haven't always believed in Gd, but I have always danced ballet. Always.
And although I may not have always worked as hard as I should, or always done the best, it has been something that I did for myself (I hate performing) that I am finding has, consequently, had great impact on my character. I've always held myself standards than other people hold me to, which in the best of times has served me well and in the worst of times created a guilt trip even my grandmother couldn't dream up. And those standards have applied to other people as well. I've looked at my family, my friends, even characters in a book and thought why aren't you doing better, working harder. Because that's what people have always said to me. Ballet has become so much more than a dance, it's become a mentality and an identity.
And now I'm leaving it. And that's weird.
I remain,
Georgie
Post Script (because another letter would be awkward):
At a wonderful party this evening I was reminded how insanely grateful I am for my friends, in all their wacky glory. And I may be falling for a goat.
G.S
