Forgetful Elephants

[georginasand]

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” ~Albert Einstein 

 

In rehearsal today I read and walk through the part of an absent actor with sketchy blocking notes (I know, Cappy, you taught me better, but it wasn’t my book) and little acting ability. After I apologized to Hephzibah for the umpteenth time for screwing up she said, “Don’t worry about it, you’re learning,” and meant it. I almost burst into tears. At dance I nearly ripped off the Flying Dutchman’s arm (granted he was trying to do a death dip), and after, again profuse apologies, I was reminded that it was a new dip and I’m “still learning.” I continually stand on the sides of social dance, terrified to ask people I do not know to dance because I fear they will lead a step I don’t know, but knowing full well that is the only way to learn those steps.

 

I refuse to believe that my expectations for myself are too high. I am capable to of nothing short of them, and know that sometimes “it’s not enough to do your best, you must do what is required of you” (Churchill). But I have lost the ability to attempt things I can not reach the first time, and as I result have lost the ability to learn the things I need to.

 

I remain,

Georgie

 

Comments

[pineapplechild]

I don't have this problem, just to say this up front. I've gotten very good at embarrassing myself terribly. But what I've seen work for social dance for other friends of mine who are afflicted with a similar problem is to grab someone you vaguely trust not to drop you on the floor and either a) if the problem is a lack of confidence in your ability to follow an unknown move, have the lead blindfold you and then dance together, or b), if the problem is the lack of specific moves, grab a lead who knows lots of moves and in a quiet place, have them show them to you.

I realize that this could sound terribly patronizing, but I hope you don't take it that way. Also, I'm sorry, but this is making me wildly curious which school in mn you're going to because I've done dancing with a couple of them.

[georginasand]

Don't worry about it. That's awesome advice. If you picked a entry to get to know me really fast, this was it.

The problem was not some much lack of dancing skill (though I am very new at it),or mistrust of people I dance with (you'll hear about the Flying Dutchman a lot, he's a good friend, he drives me crazy, but I'd trust him with my life) but a generally feeling that because I spent so much of high school trying to convince teachers that I was good enough to take on crazy course work (I did International Baccalaureate, with is like AP on crack), that I know have a tendency to feel like a failure if I don't get something right first. In a sense I am having to relearn how to learn.

[georginasand]

Oh and. Oops. I go to Carleton College, in Northfield.

[pineapplechild]

awesome! my Blonde goes there-- and actually is in social dance. How funny!

[georginasand]

Crazy!! Do you mind if I try to find him? I could ask pointed questions to every blond lead I dance with. Will he know what I mean if I mention your journal?

[pineapplechild]

Hmm, I may need to run it by him. I was going to call him today, I'll arrange some sort of secret password thing.

[pineapplechild]

Aha, I thought so-- it's G&T Syndrome. That's what I call it anyway. When you're so used to being really good, or having to be really good, or being expected to be really good, that the awkward learning stage is very bad for you, esp. publicly. (My little sister is a perfect picture of G&T Syndrome.)
Yeah, I'd grab the Flying Dutchman and find somewhere private to figure things out, some kind of forum where you don't feel like you're being judged. It kinda sucks, relearning how to learn.

(I totally wish I had a nickname that awesome for The Blonde, who is one of my best friends, favorite male lead, and general sounding board.)

I've IB and AP kids as dear, dear friends, so I get it. I, while not technically either, have had something of the same experience, but I went for bull-headed determination and a lot of annoyance to accomplish my task. (Dang private school, never translates nicely anywhere.)